oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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