NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize