There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I need to calm my uterus...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
