Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
And then the night went full on bisexual.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
