God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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