I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
