i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
