why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
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i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
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We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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