there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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