While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
