Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
