So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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