just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
