Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
