Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize