Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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