I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
