fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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