Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
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Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
His nipple licking is glorious
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