you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
