Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
