The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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