I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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