ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
