Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
