No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
