Texts From Last Night

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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+

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  (704): One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+ http://tfl.nu/62eq
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button

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  (708): his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button http://tfl.nu/86ps
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.

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  (765): I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart. http://tfl.nu/xlbc
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?

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  (703): just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life? http://tfl.nu/fbf0
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl

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  (913): You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl http://tfl.nu/bt6t
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy

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  (416): Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy http://tfl.nu/lckr
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.

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  (918): he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy. http://tfl.nu/so4p
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.

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  (609): I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception. http://tfl.nu/z6mj
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?

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  (773): Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea? http://tfl.nu/7pdo
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?

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  (206): Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public? http://tfl.nu/ycaq
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.

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  (267): I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with. http://tfl.nu/vaw3
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad

  (1-613): View more from Ontario

  I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.

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  (613): Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad (1-613): I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it. http://tfl.nu/4mo6
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!

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  (419): So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me! http://tfl.nu/6u48
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?

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  (203): Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow? http://tfl.nu/0nq6
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  (512): View more from Texas

  There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.

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  (512): There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls. http://tfl.nu/qrvu
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