from now on my penis is your penis
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Everything about him screamed your future.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice