I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
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My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
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I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off