Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
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don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
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Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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