Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
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The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
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Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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