You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize