can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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