I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
