Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
