Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
