butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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