my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize