I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize