my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize