Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
