Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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