I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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