and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
