I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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