what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
