so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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