walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
