the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
