You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
