Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
