So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
