in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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