She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
