i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize