Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
