I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
