I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
