I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I need a beard to bite.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
