Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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